How to Be There For Someone Who’s Grieving
The Right Way to Show Up for Someone Who Is Grieving
How to Support a Grieving Friend or Loved One Without Making It Worse
If someone you care about is grieving and you don’t know what to say—this is for you.
Grief doesn’t just take the person they lost.
It takes their focus. Their energy. Their ability to be around people.
It steals laughter. It even takes their connection with others—because they don’t know how to talk about it, and neither do you.
What Really Happens After a Loss
(Hint: It’s Not What You Think)
At first, people show up.
They bring food. They send texts. They say, “I’m here for you.”
But after a few weeks?
The messages stop. The check-ins fade. And everyone assumes:
“They probably don’t want to talk about it anymore…”
“I’m just giving them space.”
But grief doesn’t make people reach out. It makes them retreat.
If no one asks, it confirms their fear that no one wants to hear about it.
And that silence?
It doesn’t protect them. It isolates them.
It doesn’t just feel like grief. It feels like abandonment.
Common Mistakes People Make When Trying to Help
Most people say things like:
“Let me know if you need anything.”
“What do you need right now?”
They mean well. But here’s the truth:
People in deep grief often don’t know what they need.
They’re barely holding it together. And now they have to come up with a to-do list for you?
It’s exhausting. So they say, “I’m fine.”
But they’re not.
What to Say Instead: Questions That Actually Help
If you want to support someone who is grieving, don’t wait for them to reach out.
Reach in. Ask questions that lighten their load instead of adding to it:
“What’s been the hardest thing to keep up with—meals, sleep, even just resting?”
“What’s something that’s felt surprisingly difficult lately?”
“Would it help if I just sat with you for a bit—no talking, no pressure?”
“What do you wish people understood about your grief right now?”
These aren’t just questions. They’re invitations.
They don’t ask the griever to do more—they create space for them to breathe.
How to Keep the Conversation Going (Without Making It Awkward)
Here’s a simple 2-step method to make your support more meaningful:
Mirror, then Reflect.
1. Mirror:
Repeat back what they said, using their own words, gently and with curiosity.
Them: “I just feel like nobody actually wants to hear about it anymore.”
You: “Nobody wants to hear about it anymore?”
That simple echo permits them to keep talking.
2. Reflect:
Reframe their words in your own, to show that you get it.
“That must be hard. It sounds like you feel shut down every time you try to talk about it.”
That response tells them: You’re not alone in this.
Why This Matters: Because Most People Don’t Know How to Help
Nobody teaches us how to support someone in grief.
That’s why most people either say nothing or say something that unintentionally hurts.
Now that you know—you have a choice:
❌ Stay silent and hope they’re okay
✅ Or be the one who shows up in a way that actually helps
Pick a question.
Send a message.
Mirror. Reflect.
Because the worst thing you can do isn’t saying the wrong thing.
It’s saying nothing at all.
Start the Conversation
If this resonates with you, drop a comment below.
If you disagree—let’s talk about that too.
The only way we get better at grief support… is by talking about it.
